Wednesday, February 24, 2010

All's Well at 2:00

It's 2:00... PM and all my kids are sleeping! Can I get a WHAT WHAT! Jealous?

Well you shouldn't be, I will pay for this later. Luke will wake up and not go back to sleep until roughly midnight. Kaden will wake up angry. And Jack well he's an angel baby and is used to sleeping all day so he will be virtually unaffected.

I usually have a dilemma of what to do during this sacred time. I have completed my Bible study and email list. I guess I could move on to the pile of dishes left for me since I was gone last night. Or I could get the requested information needed to complete our taxes. Or fold Jack's laundry that's been in the dryer for almost 24 hours. Or I could just sit. I choose sit.

I wouldn't want to wake anyone with my excessive busyness! That would be mean of me.







Ahhhh.... that was nice. Lots of thoughts floating in and out of my head. The ice is melting off the trees. It looks deceptively warm outside today. I am so looking forward to Spring and t-ball season for K, coach pitch for Luke. Looking forward to a visit from a good friend in April. A trip to St. Louis. Summer. My grandma coming home from the hospital. Kissing Nate when he gets home tonight. Watching 24 under a pile of quilts and flannel sheets tonight.... Oh I just thought of what I want to do! Need to get a quick update on the Trashelor since I missed it this week!

Love and kisses.... quiet makes me blissful and all mushy gushy!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Making a New Life

Today at Bible study I started thinking about making a new life for our kids. We get to shape them and mold them and equip them. Instead of freaking out like I usually would, I felt challenged. I know what I want them to be when they grow up. It looks a lot like I want them to be now... only bigger. But that means I am going to have to be intentional about the environment where they are raised.

I will have to intentionally set aside my goals, desires and self-seeking ways so I can be spirit-led and intentional about my boys and shaping them into men. Men who honor God, their parents, their wives and children. Men who have an insatiable hunger and thirst to know God and His Word. Men who work hard and are dedicated in everything they do. Men who don't quit or give up or settle for any less than God's best.

There are things about our childhoods that we want to be different for the kids and I know I am going to have to fight some very real selfish and "fleshy" instincts. I need to retrain my brain as a wife and mom. I need to put their needs first and trust that God is going to take care of me in the meantime. It's discipline... yuck. It's worth it.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

5

Kaden is 5. We spent his birthday at Coco Key, an indoor water park. We had a blast with all his best friends and cousins. It was pretty packed and crazy but the kids had a great time. I was not thrilled to be in a bathing suit in February but I would do anything for that kid. He kept telling me "this is the best birthday ever." He has never really had a party before with friends and cousins. It's just hard to fit everyone in the house in winter and we've never had much to spend on a big party. So this was reasonable, all-inclusive and FUN!

I was worried that someone would get sick. In years past his parties have been canceled due to all the guests being sick and once KK was sick. He had a 104 degree temp and was pathetic. No one was sick this year! Luke complained of a tummy ache all day but never got sick so the party went on! Jack even got in on the act and got to play in the water.

I was just so thankful for all our friends and family that traveled so far to come to Kaden's party. We are all so blessed to have so many people care about our kids. When I see their devotion to our guys I can't even explain how lucky and loved I feel. And on top of it all Sunshine Boy was so excited! I love my Sunshine Boy! Happy 5th Birthday KK!

Valentine's Day

Love is in the air in the form of sloppy kisses, spit-up stained pants and sweaty gym clothes. Nate and I enjoyed dinner with some friends last night and then stayed up until 1am catching up on our favorite shows. So we rolled out of bed late this morning and started a mad rush to get to church on time.

After church Nate had a basketball game and then we came home for a nap, Nascar and the Olympics. I made the boys lasagna and cheesecake for dessert and Kaden declared it the best pasta ever. A resounding compliment from the boy who won't eat anything. He really liked my homemade chicken and noodles a couple weeks ago and ate his dinner faster than Luke. Since it was such a hit I decided to make it for his birthday and was told "Mom you just made this." So the lasagna may be the best thing ever but I probably won't make it again until July.

They got me a super cute card and Nate gave me a card that really hit the nail on the head. He also got me an apron that I've been asking for, Vera Bradley perfection. When I was making dinner, wearing my new apron, Luke crowned me with my tiara. He does that every once in awhile and I think it's really funny to be slaving away in the kitchen wearing a tiara. It makes the ordinary service very special!

I love my boys. I love to cook for them and bake for them. I love to read to them and sing to them. During dinner we each took turns telling everyone what we loved most about them. I am loved for singing to them, making the best pasta and for being a best friend. Jack said he likes my boobs.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

I had already fell in love

I have been thinking so much about my first pregnancy. My first baby I never met. So I am thinking lots of thoughts and learning so much and just missing the fact that it's a love incomplete. Maybe I am thinking about it so much because I know the next baby I have will be my last and I am hoping for one more. Well one more that I will carry at least.

"Not all devastation is a result of disobedience." That sentence stopped me in my tracks. I think that was what I was trying to reconcile in my mind for so long. Nate and I clearly felt called by God to start having kids. We took a step of faith and obedience and it brought devastation. Everything about that miscarriage was ugly from start to finish. The who, the when, the where, all ugliness. I obeyed. We obeyed. We listened and obeyed and then devastation. I needed to know that sometimes it has nothing to do with me... and then again it had everything to do with me.

"I had already fallen in love." That's why the hurt stays. That was the sentence that put it all together for me. When I get sad and remember my due date or that feeling the first time I found our I was pregnant or the day of my miscarriage I can't put my finger on what its all about. That's just it, I had already fallen in love.

I've been asking the wrong why. For so long I asked "why me" with self-pity and sorrow. Now I am asking "why me" with wonder and awe that God would trust me with this devastation. He must have known where He needed to get me and what it would take to get me there. So what I once saw as devastation I now see as blessing. Blessing that I know God more deeply. He took me to the scariest place I could imagine and has carried me through. I had real faith and trust. Then I had babies. I love them more because of my love lost. I know what I have and that is a gift. The only way I can know what I have is because I had experienced loss. I also know and believe I can trust God with anything, my kids, pregnancy, Nate, all of it. Because of Him that place of devastation was transformed to a place of beauty. With each baby I say I am falling in love for the first time all over again. And it's all because I had already fallen in love.

What To Do

Nate has the boys out tonight for dinner and a hockey game. I have Jack Jack but he's already in bed and now I am alone. And it's quiet! What do I do? All the things I can't do with the boys: blog stalk, watch a Hallmark Hall of Fame movie and eat junk food in bed. It's a little overrated. So I will now make observations about Hallmark movies.

*There are lots of denim shirts! I haven't seen one in real life in a really long time but in a Hallmark movie that's all people wear.

*They don't really spend a lot on high tech things like computers and dvd players. I guess the movie budget is spent on tear-invoking writing and feel good movie moments.

*The commercials are as sappy as the movies! A dad who's a cab driver and picks up his lawyer daughter every night. PRICELESS!

OK now I have used enough brain power and I am done.